Long Gone-A Tribute to Chris Cornell
May 18th, 2022
Today, five years ago, Chris Cornell took his life. It still seems unreal. There have been many bands that have blown my socks off over the years, but one band, (or person) that came into my life in 1991 blew it up and forever changed me and that was Chris Cornell. I remember exactly where I was standing when I heard his powerful voice. I was in the DJ booth at WDNR, Widener’s radio station, when I heard Soundgarden’s album, ‘Badmotorfinger’ and in particular, “Rusty Cage.” I had never heard a voice like his before but also, just their whole sound. I felt like I was being pulled into a garden of sound that I didn’t want to leave. I said to Brian, the metal DJ playing Rusty Cage, “WHO is this?” He responded, “Soundgarden” and from that point on, I was taking Soundgarden albums home from the radio station and listening to them on my turntable. Some of them never made it back. “Slaves and Bulldozers,” “Jesus Christ Pose,” all of it was so different and so full in your face fantastic. I was lifted up and taken somewhere else with that album and ‘Louder Than Love.’ The Seattle sound had already hit with Alice In Chains leading the way with ‘Man In A Box,’ and even though I loved AIC, they didn’t hold a candle to Soundgarden’s ‘Badmotorfinger,’ or his other band he had started with Mike McCready and Stone Gossard, Temple of The Dog.
I’ve often thought of getting a tattoo, but only because of CC. I like my skin as is, but I’ve always known that if I was to get a tattoo, it would be the lyrics from, “Times of Trouble” by Temple of The Dog, a band that came together because Chris Cornell’s best friend and once roommate, Andrew Wood (lead singer of Mother Love Bone,) had died. That song has a deep deep place in my heart. In the summer of 1992, I was going through a difficult dark time and that song got me through it. (Interestingly enough, this performance was only a few months before he took his life.) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_W0rBpM-cU I would go to WDNR and get lost in music. I would listen to his lyrics and think, “This guy singing this, he gets it,” because at that time, I felt like no one did. His dark brooding tone and voice with that bluesy backdrop that Mike McCready and Stone Gossard of Pearl Jam made happen was the bourbon I drank without opening a bottle. It lulled me to sleep and eased all of my woes. “Times of Trouble” and Temple of the Dog was the therapist that I needed without having to hand over my insurance card, or write a check. That album held my hand and told me to fight like hell and so I did. I wish CC had listened to the lyrics that he had written and done the same.
“But if somebody left you out on a ledge
If somebody pushed you over the edge
If somebody loved you and left you for dead
You got to hold on to your time till you break
through these times of trouble”.
If you listen to anything Chris Cornell wrote, it’s deep. He wasn’t shallow. He thought about things, felt them and sang about them. He wasn’t a person who did a lot of interviews, didn’t want to be in the limelight, any of it. He just did what he felt was right and didn’t care if anyone else agreed. He had been a shy, introverted high school drop out that had panic attacks and dealt with depression and he was as smart as a whip. Over the years, Soundgarden remained a constant tried and true influence and in particular, anything Chris Cornell touched or did, was in my CD collection, from SAP by Alice In Chains and Chris Cornell, to his own solo music like Scream, which many people didn’t like, but I loved it and his first solo album, ‘Sweet Euphoria.’ Myself and his many fans felt like he understood the underdog, the free thinkers and those with a darker point of view. He was the kind of artist, out of any artist I had ever listened to, who I wanted to go up to and give a big hug and say, “You changed my life. Thank you so much for being here.” And even though I know he had heard that so many times by so many others, I would say it just the same because it was the truth
“Hands All Over,” from ‘Louder Than Love’ is a song that was written back in 1989 when climate change and what so many had ignored came to be more fact than fiction. The message? Lets preserve Mother Earth. I remember thinking, who at this age has ever written about how we are polluting our planet? It’s 1991, Guns N’ Roses is going strong, Aqua Net is still being used and my car is leaking oil.
“Hands all over the coastal waters
the crew men thank her, then lay down their oily blanket
Hands all over the inland forest
In a striking motion, trees fall down like dying soldiers
Yeah, dying soldiers.
Got my arms around baby brother
Put your hands away, you’re gonna kill your mother
Gonna kill your mother
Kill your mother
And I love her, yeah
I love her
I love her”
In 1996, Soundgarden came out with my second favorite album of theirs, one in which Chris thought was their worst, ‘Down On The Upside.’ Interesting how he thought it was their worst. That album is so underrated with so much of it sounding like Led Zeppelin, which is probably why I love it, but ‘Applebite’ still takes my breath away with it’s eery underwater instrumentation and seriously off time signature. The other song on that album that I fell for as soon as I heard the lyrics was “Boot Camp:”
“I must obey the rules
I must be tame and cool
No staring at the clouds
I must stay on the ground
In clusters of the mice
The smoke is in our eyes
Like babies on display
Like Angels in a cage
I must be pure and true
I must contain my views
There must be something else
There must be something good far away
Far away from here
Far away, I’m far away from here
Far away, I’m far away from here
Far away, I’m far away from here
And I’ll be here for good”
I could go on and on about lyrics, but there is another reason I love CC and always will. He wasn’t ashamed to admit that he suffered with depression and openly admitted that it was always hard for him. He was real. This beautiful man, who so many loved and thought so highly of didn’t always feel so highly of himself. He loved to tour and promote his solo albums and play in small venues. He didn’t care about selling out or being in a stadium. In 2011, I saw him at The Keswick. Just him and his guitar with no other instruments. He came out with jeans on, a white T shirt, combat boots that looked old and a dog tag around his neck and that’s it. His voice said it all and we all sat in silence just taking it in. We were wanting to immerse ourselves for just a little bit longer in the high pitch that not many others could hit. He always moved me when I heard him sing, “Thank You” by Led Zeppelin. You could feel the love whenever he sang. When he was with Soundgarden and Audioslave, he sold out arenas and stadiums, but his solo performances that were stripped down and intimate were my absolute fave.
In 2016, I was lucky enough to see him tour the one and only time with Temple of The Dog. TOD had never gone on tour since they came out with their self titled album in 1991. In November of 2016, they came to the Tower Theater and tickets sold out in 3 minutes. I will forever feel like, “How lucky was I?” but also, how sad is it that those who truly loved him had no idea that that would be it. How sad is it that he seemed fine that night and that perhaps brewing underneath, whatever was going on within him was going on even then. None of us knew, not even his wife. When I woke up to text messages early in the morning on the day he died letting me know that he killed himself, I was gutted. I had never cried over any celebrity like I had cried over him. It was like nothing I had ever felt for someone I didn’t even know and it lasted for weeks. My friend flew in from Seattle on the very day Chris Cornell had died, to work in Philadelphia and she stayed with me. At 7 AM, I opened my door to let her in. A born and raised Seattle girl had no clue who he was. Standing in my pajamas with tears running down my cheeks, I remember asking, “Jackie, you live in Seattle and don’t know who Chris Cornell is? How is that possible? He is my absolute favorite singer of all time. He’s gone. He killed himself.”
This is for you, Chris. It’s been five years. Five years since you died. You were just 52 years young. My age. I’ve felt the anniversary of your death creeping up on me. No one sings like you anymore. No one ever will and no one will ever fill your shoes in general. I listen to you once a month at the very least and you will forever grab me whenever I hear, “Seasons,” or “Sunshower.” I miss knowing you are on this earth, but you are always here in my iPod, in my CD collection, on YouTube, or Apple Music. It doesn’t take away from the fact that you are not here. I feel bad for your children and wife and wish you could do a do-over and undo what you did. I choose to believe it was a momentary lapse of reason and if you could, you would have never done it. I hope you are flying with Layne, Jeff Buckley, Prince and all of the beautiful one’s we lost. YOU were a “beautiful one” with your on point lyrics and your voice that’s unmatched. You are so missed.
