The Spitfire On Pause-“Just Push Play!”
March 10th, 2015
When I was stretching my wrist last July and I heard and felt a pull, never in my wildest dreams did I think what it would mean, or how it would go. I knew something was up and I knew it was major. I actually knew I would need surgery. I knew within 2 minutes after it happened I was going to need surgery. I didn’t know how, or what would be done. I just knew and I called a hand specialist within 15 minutes. Just what I need as a jeweler, but then again…who doesn’t need their hands? HELLO!
When I was told I would need surgery in October of 2014, I was told it would take a total of 6 months to heal. I was told that for 6 weeks my wrist would be in a cast/splint. I was not told a lot of things. I remember saying, “I live alone.” I remember “him” saying, “You will need someone to help you out.” What does that mean exactly? I was told I could resume making jewelry after the splint came off, but not with total certainty. More was wrong than they knew. They found I had a tear that was effecting my ligaments. I had two surgeries in one. Double the incision. Double the pain. Double the work at rehabilitating.
When I came home from the hospital, I was in shock. The surgery was major and I had never felt anything like this pain. Ever. I have had back surgery and multiple surgeries. This was different. I had 3 nerve blocks while being in the hospital and then I came home to a haze of living on Percocet. The first week was awful. It wasn’t just pain, it was all that I couldn’t do. Friends helped, reached out and I had nurses coming and an occupational therapist and I hired a woman to come in and cut apples and food and do what needed being done. It’s a vulnerable situation. There was so much I couldn’t do. People don’t realize, you really need 2 hands to get things done.
As time goes on so slowly, almost 2 months later things are better, but not really. This is the slowest most agonizing process, acting up my other ailments. I am exhausted. I am worn out. I am trying to have a brave face, but failing. I would receive an A for effort, though. That’s right, self.
I have become the queen of movie watching, candle lighting with my left hand and it’s amazing what you can do with your teeth. Food preparation involves eating raw veggies and heating up fish, or chicken. Nothing hard to cut. Panera is my good friend right now. The cashier always asks, “Hey, Holly. The norm?” as I trek there after physical therapy. Two months later, my helper still comes to my home to help me out. I am shocked by this. How did this happen? Why didn’t anyone tell me? Why can’t I fold my laundry? Nope, I can’t change my sheets. My lovely helper does it. The highlight of this shit-storm, is going to PT and talking to a journalist who had the same surgery. We talk about how we can’t zipper our coats (now I can) and we compare notes. This guy, don’t know his name, is from the same tribe. We talk sheets, doing dishes, him changing the kitty litter, how he took a leave of absence from work for 6 months. It’s a great time. We also talk of how hard this is and how neither one of us was prepared. We laugh and look startled as we talk to each other. We tell jokes.
Here’s one: What did the zero say to the number eight? NICE BELT!
I don’t know if it’s being delirious from lack of sleep, the Percocet or what, but I love that joke. I crack up when I tell it. I am laughing right now! Yup, that’s where I am in this madness. I am also obsessed with watching bird videos on YouTube. I keep wondering if I should get a bird. It would make a nice pet, repeating my curse words and keeping me awake, chirping. Yeah….
And, my mind chirps of all that I want to do. Where I want to go, how I want to go away and yet how I can’t carry luggage. I am on pause.
With all of the recent snow, sleet, ice. I was indoors because I was too scared to fall. This is not like me. Me. The risk taker. The once crazy cat that would drive up to Vermont solo and ski Mt. Okemo, alone. Give me triple diamonds-a vertical drop… I am only 30 minutes away from family who is working if anything goes wrong. Not so long ago. Fast forward, now I am frightened of falling or stepping off of a curb. I am suddenly scared of driving. I know, weird, but my right hand is not helping me and I watch the news.
I want to make jewelry. I lay around and think of new designs. I go into my jewelry room and look at beads and pick them up. My passion, the best medicine is in that room….waiting. I have so many designs in my head. I have so many beads, chains, clasps that I want to use and when I do, I pay. Dearly. And so I hesitate. Push pause.
So, with regret after announcing that I will be at the Clover Market in May, I know this is not a smart move. I can’t do it. I am not allowed to lift anything over 5 pounds for five months. May 13th will be five months. Clover is May 17th. I can’t. If the wind blows and it’s raining, I can’t stand outside for 8 hours. I can’t lift things. I can’t take the risk. Events on a good day are tedious with so much preparation before; carrying, lifting the jewelry, the bags of necks, the everything. My friends who are well don’t want to do it, let alone being in this situation.
With a heavy heart, I have had to push pause. I have to stop this train. I will resume, make jewelry slowly, as it is something that is causing much pain, but I have to just suck it up and stop or know that this may hurt, tomorrow. And the pain of that is worse.
So, to all of my friends and supporters, thank you. Thank you for your concern. For your cheering me on and being my advocates.
I will be back, or here. My door is always open if there is something you want to see..free of charge. I am sending jewelry via mail and I am able to do that. I am slowly introducing my life into my life. My store is in my home and no need to feel that you have to buy anything if you come on over. And to stores my jewelry goes…
Can’t wait to push play again. Resume this movie please…with some sun instead of candles. Want to know some great movies to watch? Email me, call me..I have a list. The winner is, “Whiplash.” : ) Fantastic movie. The loser is, “Fifty Shades of Grey.” Nope. Didn’t see it. Don’t need to. Let me know when it’s out of the theater.
